Sunday, October 20, 2013

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians: Kino Classics Special Edition


S-a-n-t-a C-l-a-u-s, Hooray for "Santy" Claus
It's the kookiest Christmas ever when Santa Claus is kidnapped by Martians in this "you have to see it to believe it" Christmas "classic." Maybe you've seen this movie hilariously skewered on Mystery Science Theater 3000, but you have to watch it on its own to truly appreciate it. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is just so bad that I can't help but love it, and that explains why I am giving this deservedly one-star movie four stars. The Martian get-ups are more ridiculous than Marvin the Martian's normal attire, the sets redefine the very definition of cheap, the acting is over-the-top and generally horrible, and Santa is - well, he's just a little bit weird, if you ask me. Every time the guy starts in with his distinctive laughing (usually for no apparent reason), I am reminded of the fact that Satan is spelled with the same letters as Santa.

Things aren't going so well on Mars. It's bad enough that the Martians are all colored a ridiculous shade of...
The best version on DVD.
This DVD from Intermedia (Woodhaven), is the best version on DVD. The print quality used is much better that that used on other DVD's.
A Jolly Yuletide Classic
Yeah, "It's a Wonderful Life" is a pretty good movie. However, the movie I joyfully watch every Christmas is about martians who, lacking a Santa Claus to bring joy to martian kids, kidnap Santa from Earth, along with two children. "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is almost sublime in its badness, and with painted-green martials in skintight suits, a Santa with a lewd chuckle instead of a "Ho Ho Ho," incredible wooden acting by the cast (one of whom is Pia Zadora), unspeakable special effects, and a horrible theme song, it is a masterpiece of the so-bad-it's-good school of film. Just TRY getting the theme song out of your head.
The DVD from Laserlight looks exactly as one would expect it - awful. The supersaturated colour scheme has not aged well, and looks very grainy. There are many scratches, but that only adds to the film's strange charm. Unfortunately, the first fifteen seconds or so of the film's opening credits are not on this DVD, depriving...
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